Heeeeeeyyyyy

It's odd that I posted my final Things I Love: Letterboxing and then promptly fell off the face of the blog planet. 

I can't really explain why, other than feeling a mixture of a few things:
-a dry season personally as a late-30's single gal
-dealing with death (family members, dreams, plans, budget)
-the realization that only my mom and close friends seem to read my blog, so why am I writing it all out when I can just say it out loud?
-lots of 'unrelated' health issues with big question marks from doctors
-putting feet and action to some bucket list items {#38ventures}
-the fact that I wanted to focus on my fictional book writing and other writing projects instead
-putting all my energy into my M-street fixer upper

Well, what can I say? I didn't do ANY of those last few really.

I'm coming out of the dry season but I still feel like I'm perpetually grieving. Is that a personality disorder in me? Is that everyone? I long for a season of FAVOR, but I seem to keep getting a life of ALMOSTS. Maybe everyone identifies, but I feel alone at times in this near-miss of blessings and almost-but-not-quite-yet dream delay. And though I'm usually a joyful person, hope deferred has made my heart pretty darn sick. {Proverbs 13:12}

I'm not really focusing on my book writing as I'd hoped, and I wish it was because I was rockin' the crap out of DIY land. I'm not. I still have Frog tape on my baseboards from 6+ months ago. You think I exaggerate, but I cannot tell a lie.

I didn't complete ANY of my #38ventures (birthday bucket list for my 38th year) due to a partially dislocated shoulder. Oh, did I mention I finally have answers about why my joints routinely pop out of place while sleeping or putting on a dadgum jacket?? It's called Ehler's Danlos Syndrome (EDS) and I'll file that little pain nugget away into: another post, another time.

Welp, now you know what I DIDN'T do. Here's the upside on what-the-hey I actually DID do: 
-I did the Whole30 elimination diet to figure out what is making me feel so bad (done!)
-I joined a gym to stop pretending like I was going to run/walk outside in Texas (let's get real; no excuses now!)
-Started attending D-Group Bible study and joined the prayer group #theFives to battle my unbelief and lackluster faith in the goodness of God (on the mend! My faith/belief is stronger than ever.)
-I read...a lot! And now, I'm ready to stop reading only and start writing. Start doing. (We'll see how it pans out.)
-I gathered supplies and knowledge for my house stuff and stopped waiting for others to help me. It is all smokescreens & excuses to not get crap done. I mean, somebody's got to scrape those poopy-droopy half-stripped kitchen cabinets...and that somebody is ME.

I can't judge myself for the last few years (or decades if I'm being real.) But what I can do is move forward from here in HOPE. In decisiveness. In trust; that even though I'm doing this stuff alone, I don't have to feel lonely. I've got more to say on all of this but for now, this is my springboard to break the blog silence.
Consider it my confessional.

{T.I.L. #26}

I had planned a post for tonight that detailed all about how

But to be honest, I just can't write it right now. 

Tonight I watched the series finale of Parks & Rec and got a little choked up. I've been feeling verklempt lately and the littlest things have made me tear up. 

My post yesterday about friends almost did me in and I had cried earlier that night several times while discussing my heart's desires with my friend. 

But as I came home tonight, I found out that my last living grandparent--my GrammaJane--had passed away earlier this evening. 

I am sad obviously, but so thankful that we got to see her last month on our trip to California. My post originally was going to detail that trip and highlight all my lovely family members, but I'd rather just leave that post for a later date. 

Tonight I just want to honor my beautiful grandmother...she fought her whole life to take up space and live to the fullest and I believe she accomplished that. She was strong and funny; even after recovering in ICU, she managed to crack a joke about her raspy voice. I have more to say, and I'm sure I will when I can really do it justice. 

We love our GrammaJane. Our time together was really short but really sweet. And I thank God for it and for her.

{T.I.L. #25}

I'm pretty tired today after making my way to work this morning and having only half my class there to teach. Did I mention that I woke up all through the night because I thought we'd have another snow day for sure? Welp, we didn't. So I armed myself with coffee AND Starbucks Chai and white-knuckled through my morning commute, dodging old ice piles and tiny sleet pellets.

The powdery snow started falling quickly after I arrived and I went ahead and opened our blinds for the kids to watch it cling to the ground. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em! We went out and played in the melt-as-quick-as-it-came snowfall, making mischief with the tee-niniest snowballs you've ever seen.

As I walked through the hallways of my school, I stole quick glances and longing sighs with my awesome co-workers...each one of us dragging through the day because of restless, anticipatory sleep. As a teacher friend said on Facebook, "We were all secretly hoping for THE call." Teachers can be a greedy bunch when it comes to snow days in February. 

I was thinking through these co-workers and how many have become close friends...the kind who go to see Bieber movies because they know you want to go and don't want you to look like an old creep.

...reminiscing about a wedding from a few weeks back; praying that his marriage is blessed and feeling excited to go to lunch soon with his new bride.

...reading on Facebook and looking forward to the event that my church homegroup girls are having this weekend, just to get together for homegirl time and catching up. 

...sharing a text message convo later with a best friend who gives me great news, but urging me to continue to pray for God's goodness in her life. 

...thinking about another friend who had a horrific event strike her family this weekend and praying as her family member fights for breath. 

...hanging out with the friend who knows me so well that I don't have to censor myself around her; we can jump from serious to tears to silly stories, all in one breath. 

...missing my best friend, my sister, who is half a world away right now, ministering to others' hearts the way she often ministers to mine.

Today was a good day. Today made me realize that I am blessed. I don't mean blessed in the Southern, sure way that feels proud to be American. I mean a life touched by the Lord Himself. I wouldn't have the close-knit friendships that keep me sane without His hand. And I know it. 

I know how rare it is that many of these friendships were found in adulthood. I still have incredibly close friendships from middle school and high school that I cherish deeply as well. I hope I am as good of a friend to all these people as they are to me. I can only thank God for them in my life and promise to steward them like a treasure, pouring out for others with the joy they pour into me.

So tonight, I guess I'd point out what I feel every day:

{T.I.L. #16}

Have you ever read this book?

If you are not familiar with the kids' book, it is basically a circle story where a mouse wants a cookie and goes through a whole series of 'wants' before the story winds back around to the cookie.

I've basically been in a hella-frustrating, technological version of "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie". It all started last month & goes a little something like this:

God's Circus (and I'm a clown)

I often perceive God’s Kingdom as a serene natural sanctuary. But sometimes, the Kingdom of God (on this earth) feels less like a peaceful sunset at the lake and more like a three-ring circus.

I have done very few things for 10 years

Throughout the day, I often think about life in a series of blog posts. 'Oooh, that would be funny on the P' or 'I could turn that pic into a post' 

I mean, I found these in a parking space one time. C'mon people! Doesn't a blog post just spring to mind?!

But then life happens and I don't. Or I sit down to write it and it seems silly to even put it into black & white.

Um, hey

Dear Blog,

Um, hey there. It's been a while. I wish I had a good excuse for avoiding you like a bad setup but I don't. I had some disappointments this spring and I let that get in the way of our relationship. For that, I am sorry. To be honest, I think we take it out on those who are closest to us, because you've been nothing but supportive and amazing {except for allowing those spammers to constantly comment on you...that was pretty low, blog.}

I promise to catch up soon {boy, do I have loads to tell you!} but I just wanted to come say hello and that I've been thinking about ya. You know I have issues with proper time management, but that's no excuse for ignoring an old friend. I am trying to think of how to word what's been going on with me...I'm gettin' close to figuring that out. When I do, you'll be the first to know. Pinky swear.
 
Glad we could break the ice like this and it was really good to see you again, P. You always did have a way with the fonts.

With love,
K

Don't talk to me (unless you send spam e-mails for a living!)

FYI for those faithful commenters (I love you.) I've had to turn off my comment button because, about 15 times a day, I get this e-mail on my phone:

"Hi! You site is much interesting. I truly like read for wonderful content! My friend has blog such same as yours and she finds routes to many threads such as you do. I'll post your blog on my work page as I have network of kind individuals. Please visit my page Gonna spam the crap outta you"

I'm so tired of getting these spam e-mails...I wish it were nearly as fun as trying to write one! But being able to imitate one on my blog was worth all the battery-drainin', inbox-crammin', second-language readin', attempted wool-pullin' spammy-town ridiculousness. 

My only question is: does it actually work? Why else would they take the time day in and day-freakin-out? Anywho, if you have something burning you'd like to say in regards to one of my posts, you can use the contact e-mail on my About Me page. Or, you can just catch me at work Ashley. Or Facebook message me, Francine or Christina K. Or call me, Boogs and Amanda. You get my drift.

And thanks a lot blog comment spammers...that's why we can't have nice things.

T.I.L. #3

Though my goal had previously been to post every weekday, I've realized that the goal of writing every day in 2013 was lofty enough. I've pretty much met that goal so far & I've only missed a couple of days here and there. I don't think I need the added pressure of constant blog posting...these puppies take a long time to    plan/write/edit/pimp out on Facebook & Twitter!

Plus, the whole purpose of writing daily in 2013 is to push myself toward finally publishing one of my many book ideas. At the rate I'd been going, I would've probably seen Jesus come back before my book hit the shelves; the discipline of writing daily has been a great exercise. With that said, I can't use all my writing steam telling the world about teeny mustaches and grown-ups wearing tutus, now can I?

With that said, I've been sharing a few things I love since it is February. You can read about Things I Love (TIL) no.1 and no.2 if you so desire. 

On to TIL #3:

What's that? I'll tell you.

I know you know by now that I have explored the areas of diet and exercise for a while. I've had challenges with co-workers to cut out sugar and have scoured the interwebs for the latest and greatest perfect-diet-du-jour. I am a huge nerd and I genuinely enjoy reading medical websites and health blogs, as well as having deep scientific discussions with my equally nerdy brother in law. In fact, I think we both accidentally made my pregnant sister cry because of our 'helpful' diet advice. oooops.

I've honestly struggled with my weight/size my entire life. It's not SUPER noticeable to the outside world because my 5'8'' body wears extra pounds well. But it is enough for me to know. {And maybe a few others--I recall the one time in 9th grade when we were supposed to wear hand-me-down cheerleading uniforms and of course, very few fit me. I painfully found this out by trying them all on in a room full of short, tiny girls giving me the stink eye. The only taller (read: above 5'4'') cheerleader in the past had worn a size 4 and had zero lady lumps. My summer 'surprise! You're a C cup!' growth spurt caused the whole squad to have to re-wear our current uniform the entire year. gasp.}

From that point on, I've tried everything under the sun to lose weight and keep it off. Carrot sticks and diet Sprite? Yes, please. Until I almost fainted at school. That one cost me 10 extra pounds after I gained back the initial weight lost. No sugar? You betcha. Until I lost the will power and ate triple the amount of sugar I had been before starting. That one got me a firm extra 10 pounds as well. You get the idea. With each fad, I can do it for aboooouuuut 4 weeks. {Vegetarianism lasted 6 years though. I was proud of that one until the doctor said I'd killed my female hormones. oh, snap.} With each of these attempts at weight loss, I'll usually lose 10-20 pounds, go back to normal eating (because that's what happens when you live life), and gain the original weight plus a little extra. Boo, right?

Well, it turns out that it isn't just me and my broken will power. It's the nature of tinkering with your body. You may remember how I decided to 'go primal' to kick this 'problem' once and for all. I had some success. In fact, RAPID success. But that's the problem. Like I said, I know HOW to lose weight. I can do it well. But each time, I get cold and shivery like a chihuahua in a pool (and not half as cute!) and start to show signs of metabolic distress (anyone else have a peeling scalp and hair falling out in clumps? No? Just me then.) This is where rapid weight loss can get dangerous. I've realized that as much as I want to be my ideal size without too much extra junk in the trunk, I don't want my metabolism to suffer for it.

Enter the whole friggin' point of this post. I'd read a book (surprise!) written by Matt Stone called Diet Recovery & another called Eat for Heat. He's funny, smart, irreverent, and well-versed in the latest dietary dogma. Anything you've tried, he's done too. But instead of being stubborn and lying about progress after the weight-loss honeymoon ends, he tells it like it is. Because of this, some of his ideas grow/change with experience. I was frustrated at first: "just tell me what to eat, Matt!" But that's the problem in a nutshell. Everybody is different and every body is different. I started following his general recommendations to restore metabolic function and have seen a pretty remarkable improvement. My average temps went from 97.4ish to 98.7 in about 4 weeks. My hands and feet are warm, I don't have to wear my black puffy coat indoors as much (you guys who know me are probably laughing right now...), I had some eczema that cleared up when my temps normalized, and I went up a cup size. Thankfully, more chest is a problem I'd like to have now that I don't have to fit in any cheerleading hand-me-downs. That's about all I've seen so far, but this is a process. I no longer feel the need to lose weight by some arbritrary timeline. Bikini by Spring Break? Maybe not. But I have the freedom to approach health as more than a number on a scale. Metabolism is now my friend and frankly, it's kind of refreshing to hang out with the new kid in town. Weight loss was getting too bossy and was kinda starting to piss me off.

I'll keep you posted as I learn and experiment. Are you interested in this? Do you have low temps or symptoms of impaired metabolism? If you want to see what I've been doing, grab Matt's new e-book Diet Recovery 2** while it is ON SALE FOR 99 CENTS. Yes, less than a buck. But get it before 11:59 Eastern on 2/15/13 or it goes up to $9.99. Which to be honest, is still worth it in my opinion. And isn't that why you are reading my blog in the first place?

**Edited to add: Matt's book has some harsh language in it, as well as a few pictures of women's body parts to show the changes in body composition when restoring metabolism. But of course, he does it in a totally inappropriate way cuz that's how he rolls...so, you've been warned. Doesn't detract from the message for me, but it's nice to have a heads up I guess.

A New Kind of Craving

In my classroom I've learned that if you are working with first graders, structure is key to staving off chaos. Nothing brings crazytown faster than lulls in the day or a random schedule. Don't believe me? Try coming in on one of our 'safety days' where we have all our safety drills back-to-back in one fell swoop. Efficient, yes. Good for little ones, nope. That one day can throw a wrench into our weekly routine faster than Santa and his little elves. Veering off of our normal schedule happens a lot and it is inevitable. We just brace for impact and try to resume regular programming as quickly as possible. 

What I realized a few years ago was that it is not just a little people thing. Yes, kids need structure. Blah, blah. We know this. But I started seeing this through an adult lens when some things in my life were going sour a few years ago. I realized that we ALL crave routine and structure...it's just that we are {usually} more refined than kids in our expression of that need. Where they run around like banshees when their nighttime routine is off, we grown ones might suffer a distracted mind, insomnia or mild depression symptoms. Or maybe you run around like a banshee too, I dunno.

I'd like to take it a step further than merely routines. I believe children (and therefore, adults) need rituals. It seems to me that rituals take it from the level of routine and kick it up a notch to something more important. Almost spiritual. 

To be honest, I struggle with routines and rituals. I never seem to do the same thing twice when I wake up in the morning and I cringe if I'm made to participate in a liturgical church service (remind me to tell you that story!) I couldn't even listen to some beautiful French monks because their unified singing voice felt like a practiced cult. I had to walk out early...I know, I'm weird. But Katie don't do no cults.

There is a part of me that feels that by joining the ranks of the routine, I'm giving up my individuality and choice. So generally, I rebel and then pay the price. But at least I'm free, darnit! Free to feel WHAT exactly? To feel lost, unsure, tired, achy, lonely, distracted, late, annoyed...sometimes I even mistake some of these feelings for how I see my self in relation to God. What I really think is that I just need some structure. And maybe some sleep.

I've long since introduced rituals in my classroom (Firelight Friday, anyone?) so I decided to tackle my personal life. Therefore, I've been identifying chaotic areas of my life and have started examining the ritual that might fit my style in that area. Examples you say?

I have a friend who takes a bath every night to get ready for bed. I love that! However, I can't stand getting wet (oh, come on! I'm not the only one, surely) so that may not work for me. But turning out the lights at 9:00 and reading a book by candlelight? Yes, please.

I know someone who wakes up 1 hour before her whole house to she can drink a cup of coffee and pray, then she'll go run and shower. So great! I mean, I could stand just to wake up more than 15 minutes from when I have to leave, but you get the idea. I could at least give myself some time to soak in the morning instead of racing out with my makeup bag and a coffee-to-go.

Another ritual I've always connected with was on one of my favorite movies, Lucky Seven. {BTW, if you haven't watched this movie, do it. It is great and Patrick Dempsey is in it. So is a performance by EastMountainSouth. I will not need to twist your arm further. Go! I'll wait while you google it, stream it, or rent it.} 

Like I was saying, in the movie, she has a standing weekly dinner date with her sweet dad where they get out the nice dishes and talk about their week. She goes to this dinner no matter what and no matter how old she gets. ugh.love.it. That ritual resonated with me and my love for family (and food! boo-yah. Mum, I comin' over with a soup tureen.) After you are done looking up Lucky Seven, you can look up soup tureen...don't worry, I had to as well. Better yet, here's a pic:

 I guess I'm still figuring out which rituals I want in my life so I'll keep you updated. But I think that's the key: they need to be rituals I *choose* to put in place, not ones that develop by chance. Like a river carving its winding way through rock, habits form from repeated action over time. Routines (good or bad) will develop regardless of your rebellion. Take it from me, it is better to build in great ones that feed your soul than to succumb to the messiness of chance or apathy deciding your routine.

Any ideas out there for awesome rituals? What is something you consider a great routine in your life?

Project 3-6-5

Sometimes, I get writer's block. Ok, who am I kidding, my LIFE is writer's block. There is something in me that feels like I can't write until I am struck with idea lightning and I can only pen it if the product is going to be earth shattering. I mean, it's not like I'm trying to write the President's inaugural speech or anything. But sadly, it often feels that way for me. 

Most of my blog posts, ideas for books, poems, etc. come into my brain already written out. That's just how I think. In high school and college, I would procrastinate until the night before and then whip out the 10 page paper, all the while thinking it was glorious inspiration that allowed me to do that. I told myself that I work better under pressure. Riiiigghht. Have you ever gone back and re-read some of that procrastinator's gold? Some of it was brill. Most of it was cheese.

As I've grown into my writing a bit, I've wondered, 'What would the finished product have been if I'd written a little bit each day--  re-reading, revising, editing--until the deadline?' It seems like an obvious answer, doesn't it? English teachers everywhere are shouting "A-men!" Of COURSE that is how you are supposed to write. But for someone who loathes doing things twice, this sound advice from my AP English teacher makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit. 

I think that's why I like blog posts. Short enough to write in one sitting, but still exercises the writing muscle. Which brings me to the reason for this post: 

I've had a few friends who have done a {365 project} where they choose one thing to do every day for one year. Doesn't just reading that make you feel exhausted? Yeah, me too. 

I must be crazy because I decided to join in this year with my own Project 3-6-5: Writing every single day of 2013. 

"Well, that's probably not that hard for a writer, Katie." I know. But as you read my dilemma above, it is. Many writers are still waiting for the burst of creativity before they can finish that novel or write that screenplay {guilty.} Or the thought of being a 'disciplined writer' somehow cheapens the masterpiece {guilty again.} But think about it this way: do singers wait until they have found the perfect song before they'll sing? No way. They sing in the shower, at parties (I just witnessed this!), and in restaurants (shout out to my brother's operatic ex who once embarrassed me with her white-girl rendition of "No Scrubs" in a NYC fast food joint. Yes, that happened.) Point being, they exercise their voice...the good, the bad, and the ugly. They stretch it and grow it and try new things. They polish and perform, but there is so much behind-the-scenes work that goes into the final product. 

THAT is how I'm going to approach writing from now on. Writing every day doesn't mean that every piece will be seen (though I'm obviously shooting for a blog post week-daily...I realize my previous once-a-season posting made this blog a snorefest.) And just like Dave Ramsey's Debt Snowball picks up steam little by little, I think my writing projects will as well. I'm sure my style will look more like a random tornado than a perfect snowball when it comes to my creative side, but the end result is the same. Action breeds action.

And seeing as how I'm 4 days in, I'm already feeling the positive effects of Project 3-6-5. I guess this project's nickname will now be 'the tornado.' Anybody else crazy enough to do their own Project 3-6-5?

Werd

Hey there 2013, nice to meet ya. My feelings toward you: so far, so good.

I had a very low key NYEve, but it was a productive one. Let's cross our fingers that it will be a sign of life to come for me. I have so much swirling around in my head and rarely the energy (a polite way of saying discipline, let's be honest) to carry it out.

In my last post, I mentioned having to break it to my dog that we would be re-starting our running plan to more of snail in slow-mo pace, and I think she took it well. Here is her reaction:

Expectant but not too disappointed, I'd say.

On another 'unrelated to my dog but more to the point of this post' note, it seems that every blogger and their g-ma is introducing their 'Word of the Year' at the moment. I was planning on doing this for the last month or so, but I'll have you know that now I'm bothered that it's a 'thing'. I know, it's a good thing to be a thing. But, I kinda get annoyed by bloggy 'things.' I will set aside my snooty pride, however, and continue as planned.

The word of the year started out as a very cool idea I got from my best friend, Amanda. I'll be introducing her formally in the coming weeks {and it involves a precious pink purse. Get excited.} She is so fun and girly and innovative...but because she doesn't blog (yet!), you'd never know it. That's what I love the most about her. She's a trendsetter without even being aware of it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid of popular trends and such, but if I hear one more "oh, is that from Pinterest?"...so help me. But I digress.

Amanda has been doing a word of the year for a while now, and she encouraged me to think of one these last couple of years. I've really loved doing this, as I think choosing a focus helps you steer in the right direction, regardless of what resolution/goal/project you are working with.

Last year in 2012,  my word was Freedom and boy was it apropos. I've loved looking at the areas of my life that needed the Freedom of the Lord to invade. I've loved seeing how my fear has been crumbling and I've been resting on that new-found Freedom for a while now. But freedom is only the beginning. What do you do when you are free? I'd say new fear grows in the place where your broken shackles rest.

A few weeks ago, Amanda texted and asked for a word and it ended up becoming my WORD word. In a sense, Amanda used my 'gut reaction' to help my word choose me. So, my new word is:

Amanda's X-mas present to me--so precious!

The story/significance behind this word originally came from here, but I've loved what this word represents for a while now. And isn't my bestie the best-y? From the bag the bracelet came in, it looks like it came from here in case you want your own personalized cuff.

Back to Twirl: I've taken it and privately written out a few guideposts of what I am twirling toward in the New Year, as well as the things I'm turning away from. In general, it stands for embracing Freedom but not just stopping there. It means moving forward with style, a flourish, personality, uniqueness, joy. Twirl continues where Freedom left off. So that's where I'm starting in 2013. Werd.

The Price of Perfection

I've been suffering from an illness called 'Analysis Paralysis'. From Wikipedia:

The term "analysis paralysis" or "paralysis of analysis" refers to over-analyzing (or over-thinking) a situation, so that a decision or action is never taken, in effect paralyzing the outcome...A person might be seeking the optimal or "perfect" solution upfront, and fear making any decision which could lead to erroneous results, when on the way to a better solution.

In all seriousness, though this is not an illness per se, it is indeed crippling. As a writer, I do this constantly. I live in perpetual fear of creating the 'greatest book never written' and I go for long periods of silence on my blog because of this very affliction. {I am constantly writing, just not publicly.}

Recently I realized why this type of thinking is so dangerous when I saw this sign in the bathroom of a local Starbucks {yes, I took out my iPhone in a pub-toilet and yes, I'm okay with that fact...sometimes I even check Facebook in there. Too much?}

Seeing this, I have to ask: Is that true Starbucks? Can anything be truly perfect? Because, no offense, but I drink so many Grande no-water Chais there that I can confidently say I'd bring back every darn one of them. Too much foam, not enough foam, too spicy, kinda watery, lukewarm, hella hot...you get the picture. Honestly, I don't even know what the 'perfect' drink should taste like. When did I have this exemplar of perfection...in San Francisco? Last year? Will it be tomorrow's drink? How is anyone supposed to pin that blue ribbon on anything in life?

I ask these questions to show you my thought process on EVERYTHING. I am indeed a perfectionist. But, perfection is a myth. There is only One who was and is perfect...all the rest is just striving toward it on a spectrum. This realization, my friends, is uber-freeing. Is it not?

Regarding writing, blogging {check out this gal's tagline on her blog...love it}, decorating, finding my life's purpose: the idea that I can never be perfect allows me to open up to whatever is trying to be expressed in the moment. My ideas will be constantly changing...that's ok, just write the book based on NOW. My tastes are always evolving...that's ok, just decorate it how you want it NOW. My body will never look like Charlize Theron's...that's ok, just work on getting as fit as YOU possibly can. People say hurtful comments or criticism...that's ok, we don't express ideas to please others. We express to live out our God-given calling or talents. My blog doesn't need thousands of followers or have enough ad revenue to be a thriving business--it merely needs to be a vehicle for my unique voice in the world. Isn't that enough for any of us?

Addiction: An Observation

As an exercise, I was asked to use my super sleuth observational skills regarding something difficult in my life. I've struggled with my very passionate, and at times, addictive 'personality' (though I'm not certain it's cemented as part of who we are; the Lord can make all things new.) But I'm often like a huge pendulum that operates on its extremes, 95% of the time. I decided to turn my self-reflective stream of consciousness into a poem, as I have always enjoyed writing poetry. I love the way you don't have to make complete sense or tie up any loose ends (not that I worry about that much when writing sentences, ha!) I love poetry's perfect imperfection: a complete thought can be conveyed without making it grammatically complete. So here's my shot at observing addiction; these thoughts stemmed from how an addict of any kind seems to mirror their addiction:

lying limp and lifeless on its edge
drained of its contents, remnants remain

once holding sweetness, brimming with energy in its flow
no more

it gave of itself until it had nothing left, a shell empty and hollow
tossed sideways, covered up and forgotten
to be replaced by another just like it
one more, another, then another...no satisfaction gained

it’s almost as if its insides foster unsatiated appetite
the more you taste, the more you want
the closeness must be broken, severed
never to have another like it.

Can you guess what I was observing? Click here for a pikkie representing one of my addictions (honestly, I'd probably be addicted to tree bark if I could get it in a drive thru!) Here's my prayer for all of us who struggle with addiction: May the Lord bring us to a place of relying solely on Him for comfort, balance, and life itself.

Princess and the Pen: I Moved!

Not houses. Blog spots. {sigh of relief for those that would miss me too much if I left town...}

I have been blogging since 2004 and after lots of thought, I had decided to expand my blog to allow for a more well-rounded picture of myself. Lots of posts that I had for my previous blog Brownie Bytes didn't make the cut because they seemed too...trivial. I always felt that the Brownie 'bytes' had to be of a certain category ('And what would that be?' you probably wonder).

Well, now I am breaking out of my self-defined cage and probably irritating some people with my ridiculousness. Thanks for those joining me in that endeavor!!

The premise of this new blog--> my commentary on all aspects of life, annoyingly alliterated (is that a word?!) with the Letter P--and no, this is not Sesame Street. {Check out my 'Glossary' to the right in case you are curious about my categories of all things letter P}

Love you all for traveling over here with me and thanks for reading my musings for the last half-decade. *gulp* I will keep the old blog up and running for my own archival purposes, and so that I can laugh at my 25 year old self when I ranted about singleness. ha!

Old blog if you are interested (or bored): www.browniebytes.blogspot.com