Somewhere along the line I forgot how to take risks. I'm not really sure when it happened...apparently not before I decided to wear this to my middle school dance {the caption says it all}:
In 6th grade I poured my heart out to a boy only to be crushed {Want the juicy story? Read my old blog to find out.} But that didn't stop me from taking risks. In fact, I'd say I put myself out there even more. Later in 6th grade, I auditioned for a performing arts school with the audition song, "My Favorite Things." Yes, that really happened. And not well, I might add. Surprisingly, I got in. And once I was in, I continued to audition and get roles. I got out of regular school each day to finish my day at the acting and performing arts school. It was incredible...we even got to travel around the city to perform our stage productions for other elementary schools. I got rejected a few times as I auditioned for commercials and such, but that wasn't it. My risk taking continued as I was moved to Texas and away from my dream of acting. I moved on to other things and kept putting myself on the line.
Through heartache and disappointment, I wasn't fazed. Through friendships turning on me and parents going to rehab, I pressed on as a risk taker. As boys told me they'd rather be friends, my confidence only took a tiny dent.
So why do I consider myself someone who avoids risks now? I'm not sure exactly what happened but I can pinpoint it to the time I became a Christian. No longer supposed to rest on my skills, talents, or abilities, I struggled to relinquish the control in my life. If I had to give that up, I felt powerless over the outcome. Which makes me scared to even try.
Some might point me to the verse 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.' I hear ya. It makes sense. But my heart learns from experience. The more I want or try for something, the harder it becomes to attain. It's a bit frustrating really. But please hear me...this is not how I believe God intended us to feel or live. It's just how I (mis)interpreted 'walking' with Christ and took it to the extreme.
Today was supposed to be a big day in the risk taking department. I was all prepared to share the exciting news, but as risks go, there is always a possibility of losing. And so far in this area, I've lost. So while there is no exciting 'end' to this risk-taking venture, I believe taking the risk itself was huge for me. I'll probably share more on it later, but it still stings. For now, just know that I'm growing in this area and can't wait to keep taking risks, no matter how difficult it is for me.
To end on a happier note, I decided to share a couple pics of a project I did for my classroom. Frankly, you may never need to make one of these, but it just makes me happy to share it and it reminds me of gambling/risk-taking. Ok, so there's probably no real connection, but anyways...
I wanted a box to hold the sets of dice for my classroom and I found one at Hobby Lobby for $20. Um, no. I ended up buying a $3 wooden box and painting my own to match my classroom colors.
Naked wooden box that I thought I could get away with spray painting:
Nope. Craft paint it is:
Tiny die pattern:
Burning the midnight oil to git 'er done before school starts. I get by with a little help from my friends. And by friends, I mean baristas at Starbucks:
