Heeeeeeyyyyy

It's odd that I posted my final Things I Love: Letterboxing and then promptly fell off the face of the blog planet. 

I can't really explain why, other than feeling a mixture of a few things:
-a dry season personally as a late-30's single gal
-dealing with death (family members, dreams, plans, budget)
-the realization that only my mom and close friends seem to read my blog, so why am I writing it all out when I can just say it out loud?
-lots of 'unrelated' health issues with big question marks from doctors
-putting feet and action to some bucket list items {#38ventures}
-the fact that I wanted to focus on my fictional book writing and other writing projects instead
-putting all my energy into my M-street fixer upper

Well, what can I say? I didn't do ANY of those last few really.

I'm coming out of the dry season but I still feel like I'm perpetually grieving. Is that a personality disorder in me? Is that everyone? I long for a season of FAVOR, but I seem to keep getting a life of ALMOSTS. Maybe everyone identifies, but I feel alone at times in this near-miss of blessings and almost-but-not-quite-yet dream delay. And though I'm usually a joyful person, hope deferred has made my heart pretty darn sick. {Proverbs 13:12}

I'm not really focusing on my book writing as I'd hoped, and I wish it was because I was rockin' the crap out of DIY land. I'm not. I still have Frog tape on my baseboards from 6+ months ago. You think I exaggerate, but I cannot tell a lie.

I didn't complete ANY of my #38ventures (birthday bucket list for my 38th year) due to a partially dislocated shoulder. Oh, did I mention I finally have answers about why my joints routinely pop out of place while sleeping or putting on a dadgum jacket?? It's called Ehler's Danlos Syndrome (EDS) and I'll file that little pain nugget away into: another post, another time.

Welp, now you know what I DIDN'T do. Here's the upside on what-the-hey I actually DID do: 
-I did the Whole30 elimination diet to figure out what is making me feel so bad (done!)
-I joined a gym to stop pretending like I was going to run/walk outside in Texas (let's get real; no excuses now!)
-Started attending D-Group Bible study and joined the prayer group #theFives to battle my unbelief and lackluster faith in the goodness of God (on the mend! My faith/belief is stronger than ever.)
-I read...a lot! And now, I'm ready to stop reading only and start writing. Start doing. (We'll see how it pans out.)
-I gathered supplies and knowledge for my house stuff and stopped waiting for others to help me. It is all smokescreens & excuses to not get crap done. I mean, somebody's got to scrape those poopy-droopy half-stripped kitchen cabinets...and that somebody is ME.

I can't judge myself for the last few years (or decades if I'm being real.) But what I can do is move forward from here in HOPE. In decisiveness. In trust; that even though I'm doing this stuff alone, I don't have to feel lonely. I've got more to say on all of this but for now, this is my springboard to break the blog silence.
Consider it my confessional.